petekeyfromyesterday:

FMK

~Inspired by this post. Some elements have been changed but it’s pretty similar. Enjoy!~

Gerard: I asked each of you to “fuck, marry, kill” each other. I said I’d keep it a secret, but I lied. The results of the test are taped up on the wall.

*they all rush over to the wall*

Pete: Joe wrote he’d fuck himself, marry himself, and kill all of us! what kinda bullshit is that?

Joe: Why is that bullshit? I’d never marry any of you!

Joe: Ray? We’d get divorced after two weeks over who gets to name the family dog. He’d insist on Dog.

Joe: Mikey? Honestly, the sex would be great, but I could never satisfy his kinks. That boy’s doomed.

Joe: Frank? Sure, we’d have great conversations and whatever, but he’s too self-involved. Plus, he’d accidentally stab me… probably.

Joe: Patrick? As roommates, we’d be great, but that’s it. We could never make it work. He likes sleep more than people.

Joe: Andy is a hard pass. Boy’s the biggest virgin I know.

Joe: Pete? I’d date him, but I wouldn’t marry him. He wears Gucci slippers everywhere. I can’t have that in my marriage.

Mikey: Hold on, I do NOT have that many kinks!

Pete, snickering: He definitely has that many kinks…

Andy: The hell’s a virgin?

Joe: Okay, look, it’s just a stupid game, but why are we ignoring the fact that Patrick wrote “no one” for all three options? Now THAT’S bullshit, because I know for a FACT he wrote down someone’s name for marry, but he crossed it out!

Patrick: YOU HAVE NO PROOF!

Frank: Wait, Mikey, you wrote you’d fuck me but marry Pete? What the hell? Am I only hookup material? Oh my god, I am, aren’t I?

Mikey: Yes, you are. congratulations.

Gerard: Pete wrote Mikey for marry— aww!— and Frank for kill… That’s interesting.

Mikey: Wait, who’d he put for fuck?

Ray: He put… Gerard?

*Collective loud gasp*

Mikey: Oh my god, I think I’m dying. I think I’m actually dying.

Pete: Mikey, it’s not like that! This is all a stupid game!

Gerard, sighing with regret at his awful idea: Well, this is fun…

Frank: wait, wait, wait, let’s backtrack for a second here. Joe saw Patrick cross out the name for who he’d marry. Who was it?

Patrick, blushing: He’s making shit up. I wrote “no one.”

Joe: I’ll give you a hint. It’s the person here with the biggest–

Pete: Oh! I got this! Ego!

Joe: No.

Pete: Heart?

Ray: Finger?

Andy: Brain?

Mikey: Sense of empathy?

Frank: Peni–

Patrick: Oh my god! NO! It’s the one with the biggest wallet, okay? WALLET! I need financial security!

Joe: For God’s sake! Just admit you put Gerard!

Gerard, totally caught off guard: Wait, what?

Patrick: …