homojabi:

So apparently a lot of people don’t understand that pronouns =/= gender, so look at it like this: pronouns are the way that you refer to someone in the same way that a name is the way you refer to someone. Now, when it comes to names there are names that we think of as “boy” names and there are names that we think of as “girl” names. As such, we make assumptions when certain names are used. If we hear someone say “so my friend Tony said…” we might think they’re talking about a guy, or if they say “so my friend Ashley said…” we might think they’re talking about a girl. But if we find out that the gender of the friend is not what we assumed, we don’t think or say “no, your name is a boy name so you’re a boy,” instead we think “I assumed that you were a man/woman because your name is commonly associated with men/women but I was wrong.”

Similarly, just because certain pronouns are more commonly associated with men/women doesn’t mean that they define someone as a man or a woman. She/her pronouns are not “female” pronouns, they’re just pronouns. He/him pronouns are not “male” pronouns, they’re just pronouns. Like names, they are just words that we use and it is the person behind the words that determines the gender, NOT the other way around. Yes, it is more common for women to use she/her and it is more common for men to use he/him, and assuming someone’s gender based off of their pronouns may be right most of the time. But just because something is more common or correlated doesn’t mean that it is always that way 100% of the time. You are going to run into names, pronouns, presentations and people who challenge your conception of the way things “should” be. As such, it is YOUR job to realize that some men use she/her pronouns, some women use he/him pronouns, some use they/them, some nonbinary people use she or he or they, etc. It is not OUR job to convince you of our gender when you are the one with so limited a worldview that you can’t even accept the fact that not everything is a perfect binary. And if you wouldn’t tell a man with a “girl” name that he has to be a girl or that he’s not a man unless he has a “boy” name, then why would you say the same thing to someone using pronouns not commonly associated with their gender?

Names and pronouns are unique and represent a person. They do not define or describe their gender, and if you rely solely on someone’s name and pronouns to understand their gender to the point that you think their name+pronouns determines their gender, then you will likely be sorely disappointed several times throughout your life.