Well. Hmm. I am apathetic towards sex, so by some definitions, yes, I suppose so. The label has no real personal significance to me, though. I would gladly prioritize the emotional needs of a hypothetical romantic partner above my physical indifference, and I imagine that would work out to more or less the same thing as sexual attraction.
The definition of asexuality is simply, “An absence of sexual attraction to any gender.”
It’s entirely possible to be a sex favorable (that is, you still enjoy the act of sex) or sex neutral (which is basically that you’re indifferent to it) ace. Not all ace people are sex averse or sex repulsed.
That said, it’s obviously up to you you whether or not you feel like the asexual label or community is helpful enough to you that you’d wish to identify as asexual.
The thing is, no one has ever defined “sexual attraction” to my satisfaction, and so I cannot say for sure whether or not I feel it.
Biologically, human sexuality is very complex. Socially and culturally, it’s virtually incomprehensible. Everyone seems to be referencing wildly different schematics when they try to talk about it. Too simple and you lose important nuance; too detailed and you become unintelligible. Asexual people often define “sexual attraction” in ways that people who don’t consider themselves asexual think are very misleading or outright wrong.
Ideally, I would like to use labels for myself that are “true”. But objective truth in subjective identity is… well, I’m not sure it exists, and when it does, it may not be actually “useful” in a convenient, practical sense. I do not know if “asexual” is a label that reflects “truth” about me, but I have not yet observed how it might be “useful”, either, so I do not use it. Perhaps in the future I will form a stronger opinion, but does not currently serve to further expand my understanding of myself.
As an ace person, I can tell you right now my friend that being confused by the definition of “sexual attraction” is a hallmark sign of being ace. Not a guarantee, of course, but extremely common.
While most allo people haven’t been able to give me a perfect definition of sexual attraction either, one descriptor remains the same: “You’ll know it when you feel it.” Hence why not understanding the conceptual definition of sexual attraction is such a common indicator of asexuality.
I’ll link you here the post that made me realize that I was ace; it explains the concept (or lack thereof) of sexual attraction and how you kinda know if you DON’T feel something if you don’t know what it feels like.
Hope this helps! 😀
Please understand that I am no stranger to the concept of asexuality. I highly doubt any links you may show me will introduce me to useful new ways of thinking about it. My decision to discard use of the term for myself is not born out of ignorance or unfamiliarity, and I do not need the well-meaning help or gentle encouragement of strangers in this regard.
I am not going to identify with a term that describes the absence of something no one seems able to define in the first place, especially when it is important to so many people who use this term that they are not “broken” or “missing something”. I am reasonably certain at this point that I am missing a great many things. I am a meat puppet controlled by strings of chemicals. Some of those strings are tangled, some been severed, and still others are connected in unexpected ways. I do not know under what circumstances, if any, these strings might detangle themselves, but figuring it out as it comes up is more important to me than finding a name for my current circumstance. “A desire to satiate my need to make a hypothetical girlfriend or wife happy” seems like a completely valid and functional personal definition of sexual desire, should it become relevant in the future.
Are you asexual? (Referring to your post where you said you appreciate the aesthetic but are not “into” guys)
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