all those ‘say no to drugs’ assemblies in school where WACK i never once had the pot head kids push the Devils Lettuce on me. they’d be like ‘hey u wanna smoke some of this here Blunt of Marajoouana?’ and i’d be like ‘no thanks i dont smoke’ and they’d be like ‘ok cool’ and never bother me about it again
drinkers? NO CHILL AT ALL. even into adulthood people act like i’ve slain their child when i say i am completely sober. like every single time i’ve said no to drinking some person is like ‘what about jello shots there’s barely any in it’ or they’ll leave me a solo cup of wine ‘in case you change your mind’ and when by the end of the night i haven’t had it they’re all ‘you didn’t want any?’ LIKE? YAH I SAID I DIDNT?
anti drug psa’s are fine but they gotta talk about drinking too bc never once did anyone i know who did drugs push me to do it too but everyone i tell i am sober tries to find a way to get me to drink like i said ‘i am sober but change my mind’ or smth
Gggdfgfdxghvcgfk or if it’s a special occasion and someone pops open a forty nine year old bottle of asp-cask barley-mulled shitfuck imported from Haustlefeiffer with genuine mideival monk piss and they’re like, “oh yeah, you don’t drink, right? ………..But you Gotta Have A Taste, At Least” like no offence Brenda,that’s nice of you, but actually I don’t
if you were to become the president of the world, what is the first law you would pass?
*growls angrily and raises tail in caution*
This reblog chain is so weird because there’s a missing post between the Op and first reply that says “execute the furries” which makes the first reply look positively fucking delusional
– A literary analysis claiming that Jekyll was gay and strongly insinuating that Hyde was his drag persona
- 500 words on how Despacito has changed the American music industry (in Spanish)
- Literally didn’t even write an essay just turned in a picture of that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the cartoon angels are playing the trumpet w their asses
– We were supposed to make a ‘diary’ from the pov of a character in Romeo and Juliet. I chose to write as a gay servant who was hopelessly in love w Romeo and plotting to murder Juliet. It’s entirely handwritten w my left hand and stg every single word is spelled wrong. One page just says ‘today I saw a geese’. There are no fewer than 6 thinly veiled sexual innuendos.
Sorry to be the person to add unsolicited personal stories to posts, but I do very similar things with essays that I’m quite proud of and wanted to share, so here are a few of mine in chronological order:
– the assignment (freshman year) was to write an instructional essay about a mathematical concept we had used that year, “preferably the quadratic formula.” I wrote a 5 paragraph instructional essay on how to add single digit numbers. I received a grade of 105 for creativity and accuracy.
– the assignment was to write a summary of the uber-important grade-wide government simulation as a reporter from a mainstream newspaper. I chose the onion and wrote about the European Union changing its name to the European Disunion because they felt bad about all the anti-brexit voters who got let down
– we were supposed to watch a historical movie and write a compare/contrast essay on how accurate it was to actual historical events. I chose Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and did not mention vampires AT ALL until the last sentence of the essay.
– in health class we were assigned to write a “letter” essay convincing a teenager not to try drugs. I wrote an impressively sinister 6 paragraphs posing as the FBI agent stalking the teenager filled with lines like “they’re trying to hurt you. don’t ask me how I know- I always know. I’m here even when you can’t sense me. Drugs kill more effectively than the yakuza- and I would know.”
These are incredible
Freshman year of high school, for my Bible class (private school Christian education, whattup) we had to write a diary entry from an Egyptian’s pov during the period when Moses came to free the Israelites and the whole 10 plagues bit happened. I turned in three pages of hand-drawn hieroglyphics. 100.
Sophomore year of high school we had to write a poem in the style of a poet we had covered that year. I chose Alfred Noyes (he wrote “The Highwayman”) and, being that I was fully obsessed with Avatar the Last Airbender, I wrote “The Cabbage Man.” 100.
Junior year of high school we had to write a persuasive essay about Hamlet. I wrote mine arguing that Hamlet was very poor-sighted (he thinks Polonius is a fishmonger, he doesn’t recognize Ophelia, he literally thinks Rosencrantz is a sponge, etc.). It was complete bullshit, but I provided textual evidence for every claim and ended with the assertion that, had Hamlet a good Ophthalmologist, a good amount of nonsense could have been avoided. I got a 100 and the teacher read it out loud to the class
Senior year of high school, for my college admissions essay, I was supposed to write a letter to someone who changed my life. I wrote it to the monster who lived under my bed as a child. I got into every college I applied to.
Early on in my master’s program for library and information sciences I had to write an essay examining how archives are used by records creators and researchers for the purpose of preserving and accessing information.
STEM students when confronted with liberal arts students knowledgeable about something they are unfamiliar with: impressive considering your career choice will make you poor. Did I mention I will profit and am therefore superior?
My blog except its not tumblr 