elliewilliams:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was walking around my neighborhood and saw a bunch of police surrounding a small house for a drug bust. As I got closer, I heard the policemen barking aggressively, so naturally I was like, wtf??? And one of them caught my eye and said, “Oh, we’re trying to scare them out of there,” and minutes later a bunch of furries came out the house whimpering and shit.

please sign your posts with your url i refuse to be continuously terrified of humanity by them

classicdaisycalico:

jellyofthearts:

the most Fun john mulaney fact i’ve learned today is that he had the opportunity to audition for kevin from home alone but his parents said no.

please take a moment to imagine 7 year old john mulaney as kevin mccallister

*dumps a bunch of toy cars at the bottom of the stairs* S C A T T E R

thelogicalloganipus:

sanderssides-fics:

sanders-sides-enthusiast:

thoselittlesandersides:

milomeepit:

ironwoman359:

destinggirl:

pastel-patton123:

underhuntressmoon:

paradoxy-intent:

senpaiguro:

blurryfaceinspace:

put in the tags the first thing that comes up when u type “i am,” “i’m not,” “i love,” “i hate,” and “i wish”

well that was a wild ride

UH…

I’m laughing at mine

Of course numbers one (1), two (2), and four (4) were the self-deprecating ones, and the ones left over were about Talyn. Of fucking course.

Well that was certainly uplifting.

*eye roll. Heavy saracasm*

Huh.

Well then

well okie then…

Lmao

Mines depressing

Lol

Literally nothing

madame-mari:

wonderytho:

Meirl

I’m all three!

a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore

chiibbo:

jkl-fff:

maramahan:

808lien:

colacharm:

wildlyannoyingdoofus:

colacharm:

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore

never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.

find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.

talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore

picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else

if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

… 8|

That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking

This is so important